


Protection

by magicpiano



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Not Beta Read, Original Character Death(s), Short, ferre is just sad, no one you care about dies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:21:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25085320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magicpiano/pseuds/magicpiano
Summary: "When you love someone, you want to protect them and there is nothing quite like the despair of knowing that you can’t."Or, Combeferre loses a patient for the first time.
Relationships: Combeferre/Courfeyrac (Les Misérables)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 19
Collections: "Giving them a kiss before going to work while they're still in bed"





	Protection

**Author's Note:**

> Some discord friends and I started doing weekly writing prompt challenges. This weeks prompt is: “Giving them a kiss before going into work while they're still in bed.”
> 
> I have no idea how this got to be so angsty… And it kind of went off the rails (the prompt) too, tbh...
> 
> Please read the tags for warnings! I am also kind of unsure what to tag this as, if you feel I missed a tag, please let me know.

Courfeyrac turned off Combeferre’s alarm before it went off. He hated to disentangle himself from Combeferre, hated to let go, but he did it anyways. It was important that he be what woke Combeferre today. The waking world was a harsh place; thus, Courfeyrac was determined to make Combeferre’s return to it as gentle as possible.

Combeferre reached out to him in his sleep, attempted to pull him back and Courfeyrac went willingly.

Looking at Combeferre now, peaceful in his sleep, one wouldn’t even guess he had spent the night crying. But he had, Courfeyrac remembered with a stark clarity. Courfeyrac had held him through each tear and whispered words of comfort which did nothing to make the situation better.

Courfeyrac had done everything he could, said everything that had come to mind, but it wasn’t enough. No matter how many times Courfeyrac told Combeferre that there was  _ nothing _ more he could have done, that he had done the  _ best _ he could, that somethings were just out of your control, it wouldn’t matter. Courfeyrac doubted Combeferre would ever believe any of those things.

Truth be told, yesterday was something Courfeyrac had seen coming. It was a horrible event that he knew was going to occur the moment Combeferre said he wanted to go to medical school. Losing a patient was a nasty reality of being a doctor.

This, the first time, was probably going to be the worst, but Courfeyrac was under no illusions that it would ever stop bothering Combeferre. He was too good, too kind, too empathetic. He put too much on his shoulders, blamed himself for too much. Combeferre would carry this perceived failure on his shoulders for the rest of his life. Combeferre would remember this woman long after Courfeyrac himself stopped thinking about her.

Courfeyrac placed a couple little kisses to Combeferre’s cheeks, trying to wake him gently.

Combeferre stretched out his limbs and mumbles something into Courfeyrac’s chest. When he finally blinked his eyes open, Courfeyrac’s face was the first thing he saw. He gave Courfeyrac a sleepy smile, and for a moment Courfeyrac thought everything was going to be okay. But the moment broke, just like Combeferre’s face when he woke up enough to remember what happened yesterday.

When you love someone, you want to protect them and there is nothing quite like the despair of knowing that you can’t. Courfeyrac can’t protect Combeferre from this. He can’t save the lives that slip through Combeferre’s fingers. He can’t rid the world of illness. He can’t bring that woman back for Combeferre.

The woman – Abigail – Combeferre had said her name so many times last night, like he was afraid that if he didn’t, no one would. Abigail was dead. The truth was, Abigail had been in the best possible hands, but they weren’t enough. She died, bleeding out under Combeferre’s steady hands, and that was not something Courfeyrac could fix. So, he did the only thing he could do, he held Combeferre a little tighter.

“Morning already huh?” Combeferre asked.

It was a rhetorical question, they both knew the answer already, the sun shining through their window was proof enough, but Courfeyrac answered anyways. “Yeah.” 

Morning came quick when you were up half the night crying.

Courfeyrac absentmindedly pet Combeferre’s hair. Combeferre gave a quiet hum of appreciation at the action and closed his eyes again. Courfeyrac wished they could stay like this forever, using their blanket as a shield, they could keep the outside world away.

After a moment, Combeferre began to shuffle the blankets and drag himself out of bed. Courfeyrac reached out and grabbed Combeferre’s arm, halting his movements before he could do much more than sit up.

“Why not take the day off?” Courfeyrac tried not to sound like he was pleading, he probably failed. If there was ever a time when someone deserved a day off, it was now.

Combeferre looked down at Courfeyrac, still covered in blankets, his arms open, warm,  _ inviting _ and gave a wobbly smile. Courfeyrac knew Combeferre was considering it, was tempted to spend a day avoiding reality, but Combeferre was brave, sometimes, far braver than Courfeyrac would like.

“I need to go back,” Combeferre said, “I think if I stay- if I run away now, I don’t think I will have it in me to stop running.”

Courfeyrac wrapped his arms around Combeferre’s torso and buried his face into Combeferre’s side. He had a feeling Combeferre would say something like that.

“They won’t put me on anything serious today, not for a while.” Combeferre continued, “Well, not unless an emergency happens.”

An emergency was a frequent occurrence in Combeferre’s line of work. Courfeyrac hated the idea of him having to face something so horrible ever again, or at the very least, before he was fully ready. But this too was something Courfeyrac couldn’t protect him from. When Combeferre patted Courfeyrac’s arms, a gentle request to be let go, Courfeyrac reluctantly obliged.

Courfeyrac sat there helplessly as Combeferre took a shower, brushed his hair, got dressed - slowly put away all the signs of his previous grief. Courfeyrac didn’t get up, he stayed in their bed, which had grown cold, because it was what he always did. Courfeyrac never got up before Combeferre, this was their system. This was their morning ritual, and Courfeyrac would not break it, because to do so would be acknowledging that something was arye, and now wasn’t the time for that.

Combeferre had to go to work and put on a brave face and Courfeyrac would do the same. He would pretend that it didn’t break his heart to see Combeferre walk out that door, into a world where Courfeyrac couldn’t protect him.

When Combeferre was all dressed and ready to go, he leaned down and gave Courfeyrac a kiss. This too was a part of their morning ritual, the only thing that broke tradition was that this time, Courfeyrac was wide awake.

“Ferre,” Courfeyrac said seriously cupping Combeferre’s face in his hands. There were a million and one things he wanted to say, platitudes, reassurances, forgiveness, love, but none of them were what Combeferre needed. “I’m proud of you.”

There was a moment where Combeferre’s mask almost broke, his brave façade almost cracking away, but it didn’t. Combeferre remained stoic as he ventured out into the world and Courfeyrac remained in bed. He didn’t need to get up for another couple hours, but he found that he had no desire to go back to sleep.

His thoughts were filled to the brim with worries over Combeferre. He began running a list of ideas and plans though his head. He pulled out his phone and began brainstorming things to help Combeferre through this.

He might not be able to fix this, he might not be able to protect Combeferre from this, but he can be there for him every step of the way. Loneliness, that was something he _could_ protect Combeferre from.

**Author's Note:**

> The inspiration for this kind of came from rereading chapter 5 of my fic _I’ll be the ship, if you’ll be the wind_ for the last time before posting it. I won’t spoil what happens there for any of you that might want to read it, but I have a throw away line referring to Combeferre losing a patient, and here we are.
> 
> I am rewatching Hannibal right now, which is where the name Abigail came from. Does that mean this fic takes place in the Hannibal universe? Let's hope not.
> 
> Two weeks of angst in a row… I swear I will do fluff next week. Probably. Maybe. Hopefully. Idk it depends on the prompt guys.
> 
> If you spot any errors or feel I need to add a tag let me know. Thanks for reading!
> 
> [here](https://feliswhiteflag.tumblr.com/) is my blog, and [here](https://lesbianjolllly.tumblr.com/) is my Les Mis side blog!


End file.
